Christmas

I love this time of the year! With the cooler weather, the holiday lighting, the Christmas music and good times with family and friends.

Every year I decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. I start playing all my Christmas Cd's and try to get into the jolly spirit. I usually have my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. I don't like the crowds and the craziness. I like to take my time and go when everyone else is somewhere else. :-) We have a neighborhood in our area where almost every single house decorates and turns on their lights for all of us to walk around and enjoy. This year we went with a group of friends and circled the block twice. (we needed to see both sides of the street) We bought hot cocoa and kettle corn as we enjoyed all the lights and music and various Disney and Pixar characters. I have never walked through with a group of kids before. It was so much fun. There were 9 kids and 9 adults, which seems to be a good ratio, and it was chaotic. I loved every second of it.

This year we are going to New Heights Community Church's Christmas Eve service to be with my family. We will go back to my folks house for chicken pot pie and hot chocolate or cider. Then Christmas morning, Dan and I will spend a quiet few hours together before we head back to my parents house. My brother and his new wife will be showing up at 11am like us. We will have brunch and exchange gifts. Then of course their is Christmas dinner. Not sure what it will be this year but there will definitely be mashed potatoes and toffee (not together of course:)).

On Saturday, Dan and I will fly up to San Jose to be with his family. It has been a long time since I have been to the bay area and seen everyone. We are both really looking forward to it.

Happy Christmas all!

Update

I really enjoy fall! We don't get all the color change but the cooler weather and warm clothing is so pleasant. I really enjoy curling up with a good book or movie and drinking hot tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. There is something peaceful and cozy about this time of year.

It is also small group time at church. We are hosting a group in our home every week and we are really excited to be getting to know more people. We are a sermon based group, so we dig deeper into the sermon and talk about how to actively apply the scriptures to our lives. I am really excited because this small group season, the church is going through Hebrews. I am looking forward to better understanding this particular book of the Bible.

I am getting ready to have surgery in a couple of weeks. I am really nervous, just because the idea of surgery makes me nervous. I am really hoping they can finally figure out why I have been having pain. I am so thankful that I was able to get it all scheduled quickly though. Good to get it over with. :-)

One of the things that has been coming up a lot in small group, church, work, and my quiet times is sacrifice. What am I willing to give up for the betterment of others and to honor the Lord. He gave everything, what will I give? Am I a believer or a follower or both? Where is my focus? Am I 100% sold out? What would I do under heavy persecution? Would I deny or stand firm?

Just things I have been thinking about lately. Happy Fall All!

update

My brother, Nathan, is married! It is so hard to believe. The wedding was crazy for all of us but fortunately the bride and groom had fun. They are now enjoying 10 days in a cabin up in Big Bear. Congrats Nathan and Livvy!

Things are beginning to wrap up at the Amor office. We have moved to our new desks and sealed off the walls to make the two units separate. We still have a lot of work to do before the new tenant moves in but it is coming together. We are excited for our new tenants. It is going to be a church, so we are excited about cultivating that relationship with them.

I was in the ER a couple of weeks ago with severe abdominal pain. The doctors diagnosed it as an ovarian cyst and sent me home with several medications to keep the pain down while I waited for the cyst to absolve or burst. Sounds fun, huh? Then I have a follow up appointment with an OBGYN and she does not think the cyst is what is causing all my pain and she thinks I should start ruling out other possibilities. Then I go to the primary care doctor and she thinks my problem is the cyst but she is willing to send me for an abdominal CT scan. So Sunday at 7am I am getting an abdominal CT scan. Please pray that the doctors figure out what is wrong and that they can fix the problem. I am in pain all the time and on vicodin around the clock.

That is where things stand right now. Thought I would share! :-)

A Crazy Life....

I can't seem to get away from crazy. It seems to follow me wherever I go. My brother is getting married on Saturday (August 1st). I am doing all I can to help them get the reception together as we are almost there. We have been going through so many changes at work that it is overwhelming. We are going from 10,000 sq. ft of office space to 5,000 sq. ft. of office space. That means people moving desks, throwing lots away, a giant yard sale and lots of shredding. Chaos tends to stress me out. Then last week I ended up in the Emergency room at Kaiser in tons of pain. They thought it was an ovarian cyst but I am still in pain and on vicodin around the clock that now they are second guessing that diagnosis. So many doctors appointments and chaos and planning and changes. If you are a praying person, please pray for me. I could use all the help I can get.

I guess it is time for an update...

I had surgery on my foot on June 10th. It is healing up nicely albeit slowly. I had broken my sesmoid bone in half over a year ago and was finally getting around to doing something to fix it up. I was in a funny shoe for a couple of weeks and then was freed to flip-flops when the stitches were removed. It is still a bit too swollen to wear tennis shoes or dress shoes comfortably. It was my first time ever having surgery or stitches!

I am working my darnedest to deepen my relationship with the Lord. I have been studying "Rhythms of the Inner Life", by Howard Macy with my friend and mentor. Through that time, I have been learning to express myself with the Lord, I have been learning to pray, and to be completely transparent with my Lord.

I have just joined a women's online study through my dad's church. It is about what happens when women say "YES" to God. I am excited about where this study is going to take my faith and dependence on God. It is also encouraging to read the blog and encouragements of the other ladies going through the study with me. I am excited to see how God shows Himself to all of us and the way He binds us together as sisters in Christ.

I have also been trying to re-learn how to pray. I have never been good at both aspects of prayer - the speaking and the listening. I try to sit in quiet and listen but my mind wanders off to all sorts of random things. It is so hard for me to keep my mind reigned in. I think I have expectations of hearing an audible voice or feeling some sensation knowing that I am hearing from God and that does not seem to be the case. It is hard sometimes to remember that I am not just venting but am working on a relationship with Jesus.

I have also been trying to heed the counsel of my therapist to journal on a regular basis. When I write it all down, I am trying to do an awful lot. I get around to journaling maybe twice a week. It is helpful when I sit down to do it but that is the problem...I need to sit down and do it. It has been helpful to get out thoughts and emotions I didn't even realize were there.

God has been so faithful to show Himself in so many different ways. I am trying to be good about recording different places and ways that I see Him at work in my life, in others' lives, and in ministry. It has been cool to introduce the "God Hunt" at work and see where others are seeing God's hands at work.

I encourage you to take time out of your week to write down how you saw God at work in your life and in the lives of those around you.

Life with emotions!

With this diet I have been on, I have struggled with getting cranky easily and quickly. I want to eat food and hang with family and friends and not feel weird because I can't join in. I have been really trying to shift my thoughts when I realize that I am getting upset. One of the things that works the best is to start thanking the Lord for everything I can think of. It usually goes something like this:
Thank you for my home
my job
my friends
my family
the nice weather
my health
Your goodness
Your faithfulness
Thank you for indoor plumbing
Thank you for purified water
thank you for my big comfy bed
thank you for providing for us financially
thank you that we have more than we need
thank you for Your Word
thank you for freedom to worship You
Thank you for your protection
thank you that we only use outhouses when in MX
Thank you that my house is sturdy
thank you for entrusting me
thank you for being sovereign
thank you for the gift of eternity with you
thank you for the way you work through us when we don't even deserve to be acknowledged
thank you for your abounding love and patience
thank you for your forgiveness
thank you for your tenderness
thank you for continuing to train me up in your ways
thank you for those who lift me up in prayer
thank you for those who challenge me and help me to live better
I love you!

After that, I tend to realize that I have absolutely nothing to complain or be cranky about. It is a choice! I can have a thankful attitude or not, but it is my choice! That is what makes it so hard when I make the wrong choice. It is all on me. I am excited about what the Lord is doing in my life and how He is actively at work on this earth. Thank you Jesus for who You are and the amazing love you have for all of us!

I thought this was powerful!

Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton , Colorado , was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful.

They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:

"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.

"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.

"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.

I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best... This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:

Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!



"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational
systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA.... They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts.

"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your
own heart before casting the first stone!

My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"

Do what the media did not - - let the nation hear this man's speech.. Please send this out to everyone you can.

God Bless

It's been a while....

I started a diet about 6 weeks ago through Kaiser. It has been much harder than I expected but also very rewarding. I am on optifast, which is an all liquid diet, basically a full fast. I have lost 22 pounds so far and have 12 more to go before I start introducing food into my diet. Food is good, I miss food. It will be about a 6 week progression to full food. After that I start maintenance which is basically nutrition classes. I am really glad I did this. It has been good for my body and my mind. I have been learning more about myself and some of the things that I struggle with. I struggle with body image, I struggle with food and eating emotionally. I eat when I am bored, hurt, sad, etc. I hate to eat in front of people because I am worried about what they are thinking about me and my food choices. It is not a pleasant feeling. I am working toward becoming more independent and finding my worth in Christ instead of in family, friends or strangers. Pray for me, things are hard but it is a good hard!

I am also reading through a book with a friend of mine. I asked her to mentor me and help keep me accountable and I had no idea what that would look like but it has been so good. The book we are going through, Rhythms of the Inner Life, is touching me where I am at. Talking about longing and waiting for God. The patient, hopefulness in who God is and the promises He has made. I serve a good God, a loving God, a patient God, a Daddy, a disciplining God. He has and continues to radically change my life everyday I give to Him. He wants my life and I want to give it to Him. I want to know security in Him and not in this troubling world. Thank you God for loving us so much that you gave us the gift of Your Son and then gave us the choice! I love you Lord!

Mexico is Not Burning by Dan Quezada

Mission work isn't supposed to be safe.

You're not supposed to be able to guarantee your safety.

I'm paraphrasing here, but the words are genuine. They were spoken by Beth Underwood. Beth and her group from Central United Methodist Church of Waco, Texas are in Puerto Penasco, Mexico.

They are here to build a secure home for a Mexican family whom otherwise would not have one.

Beth and her group traveled two days to get here. Eighteen hours of driving.

Eleven hours just to reach El Paso. One night in a hotel and an early rise for seven more hours on the road to meet Jonathan in Lukeville, Arizona, for an escort over the border and across the last fifty miles of desert.

In a camp that has room for over a thousand people, they are alone.

I shared Beth's words with my wife last night, over the phone. I heard the anger, the hurt in Katie's voice, when she blurted out "See?! She gets it!".

The thing you should realize is that my wife was the bearer of bad news. Only moments before she had informed me that I wouldn't be spending spring in Baja with my friends, as I have done for each of the last seven years.

My friends and I would come to Baja and build houses with Amor Ministries; that experience is what ultimately brought me to full-time emloyment with Amor. God and good fortune has swollen the ranks of their group to over two hundred people.

But that doesn't really matter if you aren't coming.

I'll admit to be struggling with this one. Shamefully, it could be my pride.

In a certain sense, it's not really their fault that they've fallen victim to fear. They simply don't know. When wildfires were raging in the mountains around San Diego, worried calls of concern came from my family in Northern California. Was I alright? Was I in any danger? I patiently explained that I was in the middle of the city, that the wildfires would have to cross 25 miles of asphalt and concrete to get to me.

But that wasn't what the news explained. My family simply didn't know. San Diego was burning, and that was that.

Violence in Mexico. Scary stuff, to be sure. Bad things happen in Mexico. I am not being flippant. I am not in denial.

There are bad people fighting other bad people all trying to do bad things. It's true.

But it's not as bad as they would have you believe, and when it is, We won't let you go there.

But Mexico is burning, and that is that.

But why choose to be afraid? The modern Christian church is notorious for deriding, debasing, and disregarding the modern media. We decry them as a tool of a corrupt world, one that seeks to normalize all the sin and mediocrity in which our shameful and lost fellow citizens choose to live their lives. Abortions for all. God out of government. Gay is okay. No prayer in schools and no In-God-We-Trusting on the dollar.

"No, no!!" we cry! We will not compromise. We will not be fooled. We will not slowly, imperceptibly, allow some twisted world-view to creep in - to dilute our Christiamericity! The world is lost without Christ, and we will never bend in our dedication to that principle!

Unless we think it could hurt.

You see, what good is our salvation if we stuff it in our pocket? What good does the life changing news of Jesus Christ do if we leave it at home, in the mall? Or spend the week on the couch with it, watching "Friends" reruns over spring break?

The problem is consumerism, and it is a disease riddling the Christian church. The irony. For all our raging against society and its ills, we can't escape the fact that we're neck-deep in the pool with it.

Whenever the media serves up our fears, we are gluttonous - happy to stand in the buffet line for seconds. We have all been content to sit in the pew and listen to the visiting missionary weave tales of suspense and danger. Government persecution. Home churches. No mention of God or Jesus in emails. "I can't really say exactly where I work, because that would put my family's lives in danger".

We admire their commitment, pass the plate to support them, and we lay hands on their shoulders to pray for their protection. But why aren't we compelled to join them? Why aren't we willing to step into the fiery furnace with them? To spend a week in the lion's den at their side? Why are we more concerned with finding a church whose preaching or style of worship suits our fancy?

I would submit it is because our motivations, for all our posturing, are not salvation-based. If they were, we would go.

Sadly, it comes down to one very simple fact.

We hold our fears and the risks we may be subject to in one hand, and the needs of a desperately poor, often unsaved family in the other - and we decide our own concerns outweigh theirs.

You cannot convince me otherwise - all of the varied reasons of all the varied churches that are canceling their mission trips to Mexico - they can ALL be distilled down to simply that.

One hand outweighs the other.

The burden of our own safety weighs heavy because we have taken our consumer tendencies and applied them to mission work; the problem is that the two are fundamentally incompatible. If we are salvation based, our own comfort can never be the deciding factor; if it's not for the missionary in Indonesia, why should it be for us?

Mission work without that salvation basis is devoid of it's meaning.

At its worst, it is tourism. At its best, it is simply humanitarian work.

It's Humanitourism.

And no one wants to risk getting hurt for Humanitourism.

So is it worth it? My co-worker Jonathan knows the answer.

"I don't want to get hurt, but if one unsaved family is reached for Christ, then it's worth all the risks I may take. I'll never not go somewhere because I might get hurt".

Jonathan gets it.

Jonathan drove half of the Central United Methodist group back to camp yesterday afternoon, through the sandy back streets of Penasco, through the "bad" part of town.

Fully half of their group has never been to Mexico before. Some of them were told they were taking foolish risks going to Mexico, some of them were told they could die. Yet still, they came.

Some of them, moved to tears by what they had seen, thanked Jonathan for taking them down those roads.

We thanked them. For their sacrifice. For their long drive. For having any number of reasons not to come - but for coming anyway.

We thanked them for their bold stand against fear.

Faith and Safety...

I have been so discouraged lately. I look down the list of groups that have cancelled their mission trips to Mexico and I just want to cry!

Fear is such a strong feeling! I understand fear, I live in fear of so many things; the dark, bugs, being alone, and getting hurt. According to the Word of God, "Perfect love casts out fear." That does not mean that you don't feel fear but that you don't live your life and make decisions based in fear but based in love and faith. I hate when people pull the "God card", saying that "God is telling them not to go on a mission trip this year." Really?! Really....God tells us to go to the ends of the earth telling people that His kingdom is near. He tells us to love our neighbors, to love our enemies, to love those who persecute you. We are God's children and He has called us to a life of service. The poor, the widow, the lonely and the hurting need us!

There are dangers everywhere you go or stay! That is part of evil being in this world. I can't promise you that if you follow God's commands that you will be totally safe, but I can promise you that you are in the hand of the Almighty God! I can promise you that God will be pleased! You will be blessed in this life or in heaven! Trust, hope, serve, and have faith. We are ALL needed to make a difference in this world, to touch the lives of the lonely, the hurt, the fearful, and the lost.

Sleep walking dog

This video had me laughing so I thought I would share the fun.

Ellen show

This video cracks me up. Whenever I am kind of tired or down, I am now going to watch this. Thanks Gladys for the laughs.

Sunny San Diego

I am a San Diego girl through and through! The mostly sunny days is a big thing for me. Cloudy days tend to make me feel gloomy inside but sunshine gives me energy. I think I am really solar powered. :-) I know we need the rain especially in this drought but man do I love the sunshine.

We have a three day weekend coming up and I am really looking forward to it. I will be spending some quality time with the hubby and signing people up to join our small group. I am hoping to catch up with my brother since his life seems to have changed overnight and I know nothing.

Hopefully I will also be disciplined enough to get some exercise too. I have been doing a Tae-Bo video a few times a week and every time I feel like I am going to be sick afterwards. It is a good workout but it is hard. I love that it has uplifting gospel music in the background and you even have little kids, older people and out of shape people doing the workout in the video. I hate those videos where everyone already looks perfect! Not really all that helpful when you are having trouble breathing while doing the workout with them.

I know this is a lot of rambling but this is what was on my mind! :-P

Life is Messy!

There are times when I really wish that Jesus would have said, " If you make me your Saviour, your life will be perfect and happy." Alas, that is not what He said, He is my pillar of strength and provides for my every need but life is hard.

I have struggled with depression for the last 10-12 years. Over the last week, I have been going downhill fast - just getting really depressed. I am overweight and not able to get it together, I look at everything through tinted glasses (glass half full kind of thing), it was gray for days and Dan was out of town. All these things added up to me taking a sick day with a physical and emotional breakdown. God sure knew what He was doing when He put Dan and I together. He knows just what to say (even if he doesn't know what to say, he says the right thing) and he holds me and lets me cry on him. He is strong and firm but loving and tender all at the same time. I will be going back to counseling to work through my food issues (emotional eating). Dan is going with me to help me out and understand with me. I am truly blessed with the best husband for me. I love him so dearly.

It is hard for me to gain perspective on my life and friends and work. I view things through such a different lens. I take things so personally and worry that I am not liked etc. It certainly does not help me keep friends but it also makes it hard to get close to people. I wish I could change this part of me. Any suggestions? How do I see the truth through my own cloud of hurt and loneliness?

Sorry this is so depressing but I am basically just journaling my week.

The House

We have slowed down in our house improvements. Dan is always working, over Christmas break, he tore out our closet and painted and put up a brand new closet organizer. We don't have any doors on the closet but it is organized. I am thrilled to have my car in the garage and to have my dresser in my bedroom. Those were big things for me so thanks Dan!I don't have any updated pictures of the house, sorry about that.

Dan received a barbecue for Christmas and we used it for the first time last night. It made some really good burgers. We are really excited to have a BBQ and it will bring some variety to our current diet.

I have not written in awhile, I just can't seem to think of anything that you all might find interesting to read.

I am back at work and getting ready to put out another newsletter. I am trying to figure out a way to let everyone know of my passion to help people and the ways that we really need their help. We have about 600 families being moved in Mexico that will need homes ASAP. We need as many people as possible to pitch in by sending money and coming on trips to have homes for the poorest of the poor in Mexico. Our pastors say this is the worst they have seen so far. We are jazzed to be a big part of the life changes for these families this year. Help us provide safe housing for these families.

God bless you all!